i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
