the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Acid is not a monday night drug
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
