Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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