The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
