i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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