I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
