what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
