i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
