So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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