carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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