They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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