Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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