there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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