God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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