it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
