just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think people are normalizing furries
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
