Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
