Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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