How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
