a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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