I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
