your parents love me but you hate me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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