you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
