you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
