guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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