mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
