OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
