Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
