I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
