Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize