so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
