it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
