i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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