were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
