OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
