Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
