fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I believe in your delicious
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
