So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
not ubering you a puppy
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
