I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
