I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
