literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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