were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
