New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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