I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
