Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
