that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize