the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
