I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
