dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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