I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
