I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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