I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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