Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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