Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize