so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
