that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
