Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
