She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My ass is underappreciated
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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