No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
