i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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