It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just found puke in my bra..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
