my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
