I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
