1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
