Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
