Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
