she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
