I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
