the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
