Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
