I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
