Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
