After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize