when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
