dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
