I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
