apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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