Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
