haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize