There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Someone came in the potted fern
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
