Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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