i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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