i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize