I wannas sexs uuuuu
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
