well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
