update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
