Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
